Just bear with me

Bearry's Note

It's been a while since I've written any article for my blog. But since today's a special day for moms everywhere, I'd like to extend this entry to a very special lady who means the world to me.

Obviously I'm referring to my mom and this is her written piece that she shared with her Christian community. She actually agreed when I asked her if I could post this on my blog months ago, and it would only make sense if I'd publish this on Mother's Day.

Mommy, you are the world to us. :)

We love you!

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Mommy's Sharing

Oftentimes, we tend to ask ourselves: “Where is God?” He seems to be absent and never listens. I call Him but He never answers. I ask Him for help but He never rescued. I ask myself, why God? In my deepest trouble you were not there for me? God told me, “I never left you my daughter, I just want to watch you fighting using my words that are stored in your heart and mind as your weapon. “I will always be with you, just be with me always”. These were the words that haunt me at times of my deep sorrow. I was like a hard- headed child that needs compassion and love.

Sisters, Good Morning. It’s not only courage that brought me here talking in front of you but I felt that it’s time for me to share how God has molded me in my trials to become like Him.

To everyone here, my name is Pura, born to parents who were both native of Lapu-lapu City. I was the 4^th child in the brood of 5 siblings. I spent my simple teenage life in Opon, where I grew up full of happy memories brought about by my childhood experiences. After graduating from a university, I had my first taste of work in an international hotel here in the city, where I also met Jing (my husband) through my best friend, who happened to be his cousin. There was nothing between Jing and me. We started out as friends but we seldom hung-out. After a couple of years, I told him that I would be able to work in the Middle East. I thought that he’d be happy for me, but all he said was “Why work abroad, when we can help each other out here?” That question from him left me hanging. Why would he say that? And if he would help me out, he never gave any business/marriage proposals or anything similar. That was the last thing he told me before I left Cebu.

Life was good abroad, but still, nothing is as good as one’s own. In some twist of fate, it was sometime on December of 1991, after I came back here in the Philippines that I read on some local paper an obituary about Jing’s brother. So out of friendship I sent him a sympathy card and mailed it. Upon receiving it, he went to our house right away and invited me for dinner. And believe it or not, he proposed for marriage. I was quite shocked because it all happened too fast. Though I’ve known him through his cousin but I wasn’t expecting for such. But on second thought, I readily accepted since I was already 28 then and I do not want to be alone the rest of my life.

God never said that the journey through life would be trouble- free, but He did say you would not have to travel it alone. So on December 1992 we got hitched. And we were blessed with three wonderful boys.

Barry, being the eldest, is quite passionate in what he does. When he was still studying his degree, he would help out the family expenses through his freelance work as a tour escort. He now works in one of the luxurious resorts, where through God’s help, he is now managing Shangri-La’s Recreation department. Billy is also working with one of the Philippines’ finest companies. He is a Sales Representative for San Miguel Breqery. He is an aspiring musician, and does gigs whenever he can. Our youngest, Benjie is always eager to learn new things, he will now be on his first year. Getting into music and the arts. He is our little bundle of joy at home.

My marriage with Jing wasn’t perfect but still we did try to make it one. As a husband, Jing would make sure that, even if we didn’t have everything we wanted, he never failed to give everything we needed. That I could say, is the best kind of love, wherein it isn’t just about giving you what you want, because we can never have everything we want, but when someone gives you everything you need, that kind of feeling surpasses even the most expensive of desires. Jing’s love for me had gone beyond even in my “imperfections”. He showed and gave me the unconditional love every woman could ask for. I couldn’t have found a better husband than Jing. He was responsible for my entry to BCBP. He brought me into this community which had helped me all throughout, be it spiritually, emotionally, and even in the most down of times, financially in our married life. It is in this community wherein our Christian experience matured, our faith nurtured. As a couple, walking with God, is not easy. But yet we were able to overcome our own sinful tendencies and live a life that is pleasing to God. Through BCBP, we learned to conform to His will, not being conformed to the world but being transformed within. I can still recall my 1^st breakfast at Ding Qua Qua (the one near National bookstore in Mango Avenue). It was a Ladies breakfast and it was very well attended. The ladies were so warm and friendly. Right after attending BCLP and BCMR, Jing and I dedicated our time with the various service in BCBP. We served as AGL, BCMR Service Team, and at present I am an active member of the South Music Ministry wherein aside from singing in the different activity of the BCBP, we also sing at Redemptorist Church every Sunday. Unknowingly, my service to the Music Ministry has helped me a lot. It has made my commitment to the Lord much deeper.

To most of us, we often question why we are faced with problems. We all want to live where we don’t encounter difficulties and adversities. But then again, we don’t always get what we want.

Challenges are God’s way of making me stronger. It can tear me apart or break me into pieces. But at the end of the day, I realized that God has His purpose on giving me those pain and sufferings. Every day, I am living His purpose, and over the years, I have faced and rose above His list of challenges:

Challenge No.1 – On April 2010, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I had mastectomy and had undergone seven chemotherapy sessions. It was the most difficult times of my life but Jing was always there for me. My condition then drastically changed everything. Even my activities of daily living had changed as well. From the way I woke up in the morning vomiting (after effect) of chemo and to hair loss which I’ve got this new hair fashion now. I couldn’t have fought this alone were it not for Jing and my children. They stayed with me during those difficult times. So if you knew someone who had the same condition as mine, be there for them. They need you.

Jing made sure that I got the medication that I need even if it would mean sacrificing for him. God had given me an “extended life”. I am a cancer survivor and I should say I need to live if only for my children and this is what motivates me to fight for dear life.

Challenge No. 2 – Just when I thought my condition got better, Jing’s health got worst. I told myself; “he doesn’t deserve this”. As gold is tested by fire, so was my faith in God. At 9:55 in the morning of May 3, I have never felt so abandoned in my life. Minutes after the doctors and nurses left the room and so did Jing. I felt like a rose trampled on the ground. And then, just a few minutes later, friends started rushing in. They replaced the doctors and nurses, and they eased the pain and tension that everybody felt. They too couldn’t believe what had happened. Jing’s death was so untimely, he had a lot of unfinished business, and a lot of things planned for the family. Although I have an unwavering faith in God, my faith was crushed during that exact moment. It didn’t make sense at first, I was stunned. I wanted to shout at the highest point of my voice but then not even a whisper could be uttered from my cold, trembling lips. Losing someone who was doing everything just to keep you alive is not easy to let go. It wasn’t fair at all! but then, who am I, to question Him? In Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” And until now I am hanging on to these words.

I realized that despite our loss, I found something that was always there since Jing was here. My faith with God. My relationship with Him cannot be weakened by illness nor taken by death. That something kept me alive all through our loss. That something was this brotherhood. The doctors may have revived Jing’s heart several times before he gave up, but it was the presence of my brothers and sisters in the community that kept my own heart alive. I realized how fortunate Jing to have such friends, and I couldn’t ask for anything else that could have been more beautiful at that moment. I can never disregard the fact that my family wasn’t alone in grief. I realized that in every loss there is something replaced. I know not a thing in this world can ever be a replacement for Jing‘s unconditional love but the sadness that I had experienced was replaced with the warmth and comfort of friends.

Facing the world alone is not easy. I have this feeling of insecurities with regards to my children’s future on how to sustain them for their education, their wants and needs, the fatherly loved that they missed, the simple little joys in life that mattered most to every family. But then again, I am equipped with the wisdom to fight the good fight of the Lord.

I haven’t lost hope in my trust with God. I know that one day, He will redeem me from all this pains I am in. I am keeping my fingers crossed hoping and praying for salvation.

As for me, without Jing it was a lost dream. It seemed the feeling of being lonely may cause intense suffering. Yes, there is a simultaneous struggle taking place in me and I feel worthless and humiliated. The anguish, the pain, the grief goes on and on. Through fervent prayers and inspiration of my children and friends I have come to realize to take a big step to overcome my helpless being, to be strong in body and spirit. Summing it all up, I would say that my existence was based on FAITH, HOPE AND LOVE.

Faith wherein every single minute of my day, I turn my worries over to God. I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle. HOPE wherein I am hanging on to God’s word for salvation and above all Love wherein i am surrounded by it by my children, my family and friends.

I humbly say to stand up, to take a deep breath and use my total energy by singing in the music ministry and turn a new aspect of my existence in this world. To face reality for the love of my children and above all for the love of God who made everything—for me. TO LIVE AGAIN! TO GOD BE THE GLORY!

I wish I could thanked each and every one of you personally for sharing your time, treasure and most especially your friendship. Let me take this opportunity to extend my sincere gratitude: to BCBP: Brotherhood of Christian Businessmen and Professionals, and to all of you brothers and sisters who are here today. Thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I may stumble and fall, but I will not be moved because I know where God is; God is with me. God is with all of us.